We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

New Adventures in Old Shame

by Horses About Men

supported by
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $5 CAD  or more

     

1.
there's a fire in its place christmastime there's a bird in its place christmastime there's no law against loving the snow there's no law against ho ho ho there's grandma with her face christmastime there's a baby with its face christmastime there's the turkey - let's baste christmastime this joy is not a waste christmastime the tree is trimmed, the gifts are wrapped, the snow has fell, our hearts are rapt - christmastime! the laws of time and space dictate that this can only be one day it's christmastime! there's a tree in the room christmastime our bellies are stuffed with food christmastime you are in your place christmastime i am in my place christmastime
2.
Snow falls gently down into my eyes as the silence of Christmas falls over the street... I blink it away now, while the hazy street lamps guide my feet to the spade ever waiting, ever waiting... And the drive - from which I don't expect ever to extricate my conveyance... So, I dig out a plot with a view of the window where Carol and the kids have strewn up bright coloured lights... And maybe those candles that aren't really candles, but glow brilliant red against the dark of the night... I dig out that plot, and I lay myself in it, and await the sweet bliss of the oncoming plow...
3.
Not That 03:19
And no I won't sleep on that musty cot that plastic wrapped mattress suffocator. Not that creak of floorboard Not that chiming clock Not that 4AM footprint. Not that. Not that. And this time of year is just crushed Xanax around the rim of my Daiquiri glass Hazy creak of floorboard muffled chiming clock violent 4AM sex dream Xanax... Xanax...
4.
this season calls for new adventures in shame this season calls out my name i beat my fist on the turkey that you made i beat my fist on the table, your family screams... "what are you doing with this fucking asshole? what are you doing? Let's put him out in the snow." i am so proud of all of the gifts that i bought the gas tank for timmy and all of the rest that i lost and all you could give me were yr tears and yr scorn i am going down to the bar to get drunk where it's warm what am i doing with you fucking assholes? what am i doing with you, I'd rather not know. the weatherman curses my name santa claus curses my name my mother curses my name the father curses my name they scream, "what are you doing? Don't you feel shame scrounging around looking for people to blame? the year gets cold, the wind blows, but you live look in yr heart, see you have something to give." No, no... No, no... No, I don't. No, no... No, no... No, I don't.
5.
No more fucking. No more fucking. No more naked fun. No more sexy one. No more bedroom. No more privacy. Only living room. Only TV. Now take off your pants, and just sit there in the bluish glow - In your underwear. Rub your hands together. Doesn't it feel warm, and open up your heart to the wholesome part? (don't fuck). No more fucking. No more fucking. No more naked fun. No more sexy one. No more fucking. (don't fuck).
6.
Gather here, by the fire, as the last embers fade into darkness... And the last sign of life in the abyss of our hollowness will be the intensifying prismatic glow of the Christmas Light! Christmas Light! As the frost grips our fingers the snowfall will break our silence. Transfixed by the rapture, our secret shames will be erased in the blinding and chromatic beams of the Christmas Light! Christmas Light! Thousands of people will share in this moment where little dreams mean so much less. As its brilliance consumes all our wasteful lives we're rewritten by the perfect sparkling myriad of colours - despite all our dullness It's reflecting off nothing but pure snow... We will be nothing but pure snow... red, green, red, green, Christmas Light!
7.
It's the holidays! It's time to reveal to your daughter in law that her husband was infested by worms as a young boy because parasites are endearing or somethin'. In that horrid daze of a shoe-polished nightmare this weekend, this night is my own hell. For these holidays, that Tryptophan Halo will squeeze 'round your shoulders and crush you. It's that holiday... the one where you sleep through the day just to prolong your dreaming. It's a dream of yuletide fires burning the house and your family to cinders...
8.
Didn't get what I wanted but it's on its way. This kind of present doesn't come in a sleigh. Will she tell us 'bout the aliens? Share her feelings about wing-tipped shoes? Paint us by numbers? Rise from the primordial ooze? And I would slam a child's face into a wall for just one moment... of the Queen's Address! I waited all morning. I waited 'til noon. Over a refreshing glass of eggnog I studied the runes... Will she fill us with saintly needs? Bake us a townhouse? Sign all of our trading cards? Bring life to the Commonwealth? And I would dropkick a cat across the skies for just one precious moment... of the Queen's Address! [The vigorous dancing of enthusiasts of the monarchy, while under the influence of spiked 'nog ensues, injuring at least one family member. This is compulsory.] I'm coming to see her. But it'll take a few days... I'll step on my pony, and I'll ride away...
9.
Old Shame 04:02
At last you have come to the place you called home to be treated as guest in your mother's vestibule. As she parades you around past the questioning faces of family you've not seen for ages and ages - and in moments it's started; already bombarded with... Old Shame, like before. And each Christmas, you're gifted with a little more. It's just Old Shame, like before. Each christmas, you're gifted with a little more. Last year's unwanted sweater that you have to wear, the embarrassing anecdotes that you must grin and bear. Until you stumble up the stairs and lock yourself away in the room that was yours and crumple onto the floor (like discarded wrapping paper) So, you lay there and lay there. You wait out the clock. And a little piece of dead tape is adhered to your sock. Along with the torment - a generous assortment of... Old Shames, like before. And each Christmas, you're gifted with a little more. It's just Old Shame, like before. Each Christmas, you're gifted with a little more. "Where is your girlfriend? Have you put on weight?" Is discouraging children, a family trait? "How much do you make now? Have you learned how to drive? Swallow your feelings boy. What is your life?!"
10.
I have got a new years resolution I have got some big new years plans It involves you your mom, and all of your friends It involves you your mom, and all your lady friends I am gonna get some women pregnant and run out on all of them I don't want you to think that I'm just talking about you and the women that you know. I am talkin' as many as I can yeah, these are my big new years plans I am gonna get some women pregnant and run out on all of them The family life - what's it matter? I am out for fun and numbers I have got a new years resolution And you might wanna lock up your daughters I am comin' round door to door layin it on sweet lookin' to score I am gonna get some women pregnant and run out on all of them the family life - what's it matter when I am out for fun and numbers?

about

It's been 5 years since Horses About Men released their EP "New Adventures in Shame" for super-free on the internets. It was a collection of holiday favourites to cherish and/or covet.

But now, to celebrate that fifth anniversary, here's "New Adventures in Old Shame" - a fancy new re-imagining of that well-aged classic.

A while back, Rab approached Cale with the idea of reworking the EP as a more fleshed out album, with new instrumentation, better recording quality and production, and a few new tracks. Though Cale didn't have time to contribute any new music, he gave his blessing, and here we are, retreading that old ground and somehow stumbling on some new ways to feel like an ass on the holidays.

And hey, if you actually fork up cash for this thing, you get to hear a bunch of weird demos and unused tracks as a bonus! Fancy beans!

credits

released December 15, 2015

Written and Performed by Cale Harper and Rab Townsend
Produced, Recorded, and Mixed by Rab Townsend

Cover art by Rab Townsend
Original cover art by Melissa Galand

license

tags

about

Horses About Men Toronto

Horses About Men met in a some place somewhere, but it wasn't until later that they began to do the thing.

They continue to do the thing, and much of that thing is available here for you to wiggle and spasm along with.
... more

contact / help

Contact Horses About Men

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Horses About Men, you may also like: